Safety
Through doing a fourth step something got revealed to me, that I could not see before opening those corners of my mind. Every grievance that I had, every story that I was validating and telling myself had absolutely nothing to do with another person. I just made up a story because I did not feel save. That was so revelatory to me. I just did not feel save. And I realized that in so many situations I don’t feel save, yes, almost all the time. Now, realizing that that was my problem I had a choice. I had a choice to decide for God. And pray to God instead of making up storied that have no reality whatsoever. Yes, and herein lies my freedom. Wow, that is beautiful, the complete freedom in accepting my uncertainty. Yes, now I stay uncertain all of the time. And it just makes me so happy, because I don’t have to change you or fix the situation or solve anything. No in fact I just give up. Every single one of my action have brought me to a devastation and now I choose again for something else. I choose for God and that means for me to stand still, wait a moment longer and see which gift God is offering me in this moment.