No matter what - nothing will ever be the way I think it should be. Everything is made to fall apart. My experience lately is that everything is so impossible. But after I stayed in that moment of impossibility long enough the portal to God is even wider open. That is the amazing thing. I never know what anything is for. My expectations bring me all the pain. I feel like everything is crumbling away from me. The things that I thought I could depend on are gone and dissolving. And at the same time a certainty is so present in me that allow me to trust and be confident that I am not alone and that God is with me wherever I go. There truly is nothing to fear.
I have my freak out moment but underneath that is peace. The peace of God. I am so grateful. I have been given everything.