Ever doubted yourself and what you where doing? You gotta be kidding, you might think, “of course, I have doubted myself!” Who hasn’t. I at least don’t know anyone who has not doubted himself.
The course in miracles writes in the Epilog:
”Forget not once this journey is begun the end is certain. Doubt along the way will come and go and go to come again. Yet is the ending sure. No one can fail to do what God appointed him to do. When you forget, remember that you walk with Him and with His Word upon your heart. Who could despair when hope like this is his? Illusions of despair may seem to come, but learn how not to be deceived by them. Behind each one there is reality and there is God.”
It gets more and more painful, actually unbearable painful to not do what God has appointment me to do, and I am very grateful for that. I have never felt so much at peace with myself and aligned with the will of God.
Everything is coming together, and the things I think didn’t work suddenly appear as being brilliant. It’s that feeling of everything is clicking in. I have been in some sort of preparation that I would be ready for this time. It’s like building a website and then it’s ready to be published. I feel I have just been published. In other words I am growing up and putting myself out there. And the response is not devastating, but makes me really happy. I have been moving forward. And right now I just want to thank every one that has helped me along the way. I could have not done it without you.
Truth can not be learned, thought or acquired in any other form, but through the pure experience of it. Truth is true and nothing else is true. I could tell you what I experienced truth to be, but through your perception it would be so distorted that it would have again nothing to do with the truth. So right here in now I offer you the joining of our minds, and in that instant we can experience the truth of who we are together. Then there is no doubt of what that truth is, it is not open to discussion, it is too precious even to be talked about. Truth stands by it self it does not need defends of any kind. Anything that needs defends is not true.
This is from the Introduction to A Course In Miracles:
“Nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”
On my own I am capable of nothing. Everything I did and tried to do in this world failed. There was always this longing for God in me. It did not make sense to me that I was in pain, thinking the most horrible things about myself and at the same time there was a God who loved me completely. Something was wrong with this picture. And somewhere I realized that it was me. The common denominator to all my problems. Since my best thinking had brought me to this devastation I knew my best thinking can´t get me out of it. I knew I needed help from something outside of me. Somebody that had already realized their Christ mind. It is amazing that in the moment that I am ready the answer is there for me as well. It showed up for me in the form of the Course in Miracles, answering my call for help, from outside this little box of space and time. I realized how much I had limited myself through the believes I held about myself. Everything that I believed about myself was a limit on the Son of God that I truly am. Now, when I step back and let him lead the way, I am certain that whatever occurs is for the best of everyone and everything. I know that I am not trapped through this body, I know that I can travel out into this universe, that has been waiting for me all along, whenever I want to. The decision and willingness is mine, the rest is God´s in which my complete trust lies.
How can I be the victim of a world that can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave it simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner I would give up insane wishes, and walk into the sunlight at last. (Review Lesson of A Course In Miracles Lesson 31)
I love it! i love it! I love it! No matter in which situation I find myself I refuse to be the victim of it. This has been my complete salvation. Every day situation appear that make me believe that I have been unfairly treated. And it only depends on me, how I handle them. Who do I choose to be? The holy son of God?
This is not a comfortable teaching, it has nothing to do with comfort or how everything is love and peace, this is where the rubber meets the road. It all depends on a decision in my mind. And I can see how the imagery around me changes in the same moment when I take the decision.
The other day I had to wait for my car in Walmart wandering around through the aisle, I saw a lot of things that created a need for having them in me. I started to feel horrible, since I just perceived lack and the idea that I can’t have them because I can’t afford them. I already found myself getting fearful when I took the decision not to be the victim of this situation. The next thing that happened was that I ran into a brother, I asked for help and another brother showed up as well. So there we where creating a portal of light in the middle of Walmart, standing in the dedication of our singular purpose not to follow the laws of the world any longer but to leave space and time right there and then. Right here and now actually. All fear and lack are gone and what is left is love and peace that does not come from a result of anything, but just from the decision to let my mind be how it truly is. Which is giving and extending itself all the time. How then can I perceive lack, when I am giving myself away? Lack appeared when I started to demand from the universe rather than giving myself away.
There is always something you can give no matter who you think you are, or where you think you are. You can give right now, what are you waiting for?
The lesson for today from A Course In Miracles is truly amazing and helpful to me. My mind tends to be preoccupied with hundreds of thoughts and ideas and problems and opinions and other stuff that makes it very hard to be free right now. In the midst of all that overwhelming life there is Jesus and his clear message that simplifies everything and brings all my worries doubts and fears to a halt. He just tells me that I have one problem. Yes, just one. In that moment I gather my fractured mind together and accept Jesus’ statement. My one problem is that I think I am separate from God. Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved. I just recognized the problem. I think I am separate from God. In an instant of frantic fear of separation and abandonment I created this whole world and gave it all my power. Then I carried on with my life thinking I could not do anything to change my world. Trapped in the prison I made up for myself, I saw tons of problems with no solutions anywhere in sight. And it is true there is no solution to my problem. Actually me trying to find a solution is what the problem is. Because I don’t even know what the problem is. Lesson 5 tells me: "I am never upset for the reason I think." How can I know the problem then. This whole world is all based on a wrong perspective and perception. So here comes Jesus telling me clearly what the problem is and now the solution is in sight as well. I know that that has to be it, because it did not come from me. My best thinking has gotten me into this mess that I call my world, so where is my best thinking going to take me? Probably not out of here. The Course In Miracles is this sane voice in my mind telling me clearly that I have only one problem and that this problem has already be solves. Since my mind still can’t grasped this fact I need the next lesson: "Let me recognize my problem has been solved."
The lesson for today from A Course In Miracles , "There is nothing to fear", just puts it so clear, I have no choice. I can just kick my own behind and let go all of my thoughts of fear that where lingering in my mind. Why would I wait for the fear to be converted and overcome, when Jesus is right here with me, telling me that I have no need for fear anymore. That literally now I can be free and go on with what my father wills for me.
I wanna talk about fear today. Fear is a force that seems to run peoples life’s, making them sick and leading them nowhere. Fear is the main emotion a human being experiences all the time. I know because I experience it, not knowing that I could have a different feeling about myself. Fear was such a part of my life that I did not even notice how strong it was. I knew I was afraid of absolutely everything and everyone, but had no means to change it. I saw that some of my friends just changed themselves and adjusted around that feeling of fear, incorporating it into their lives. I could never do that. I could not adjust to it. Through the application of the mind training of A Course in Miracles and the 12 Steps, I lost my fear. This makes me cry. Just the thought alone that I don’t have to be afraid of you anymore makes me so happy. I can shine my light and love in your presents without having to hide it in my ideas of what I am, or better what I am not. I can just be myself. And that is an offer for you to get over your fear and just be who you are. What have you got to loose? Fear is just pure laziness. Fear is just a misinterpreted emotion, nothing more. There is absolutely nothing to fear in all of the universe.
It doesn’t matter where I open A Course in Miracles, it always takes my out of my situation and places me beyond the beyond. Above the battlefield where I look at my problem in a sober way and can heal it without solving it. I just see that from out of time all my problems have already been solved. Or I realize that there is absolutely no solution to my problem and I die into my problem and end up at the same point, the point of release and ressurection.
Oh my God I am so grateful for A Course in Miracles and the solution it offers me in every moment where I am willing to give up my own ideas about everything and step into the miracles that this moment is actually offering me. It’s truly an experience and has nothing to do with any concepts.
Just today a friend was instant messeging me. He wrote paragraphs and paragraphs of course concepts. All I replied was: "It seems that you are in a lot of conflict". Wow, after a moment he said, yes, it seems that in the illusion I am in conflict. What a bullshitter! Oh man, why is it so hard for spiritual people to just admit where they find themselves.
A Lesson in A Course in Miracles says: "Let me recognize the problem so it can be solves."
So I told my friend to just admit that he is in conflict and stay there. I invited him to die into it. That is where all the light is. All the light of the universe is hidden in the energy of conflict. And that is what we are trying to avoid. And using spiritual concepts to talk yourself out of your full blown spiritual awakening is the best way to stay trapped in your human mind forever. So now I invite you to be honest, admit your conflict, stay in it and let it change through doing absolutely nothing.
Welcome home!
Today is cleaning day, like everyday, I am taking the trash out! - The trash of my mind. Like dust it accumulates so fast, and I don’t really know where it comes from and suddenly a trigger is pulled and I get pissed and I don’t even know why. That is why it is so important for me to do the mind training of A Course In Miracles every waking hour. What does that have to do with trash? Because through applying the ideas given me from the course I have to let go of every single thought that I hold about myself, and about everything else. To be free and in peace. Flash the toilet of your mind and let go of all that has been bothering you, forgiveness is another word for letting go all those silly ideas that keep me trapped and make my life miserable. Yeah it is just time to wake up and realize that all of my ideas are completely wrong, that they don’t mean anything and that I am still as God created me. That I can make my life so much easier by letting go and letting God. So flush that toilet, dust those corners of your mind and take the trash out, it’s about time for you to be free.
Virtual Reality
The 12 Steps and A Course In Miracles is truly a blessing for me. It takes me always to the point where I don’t want to go. It takes me to the point of release and to the point where I let go of my resistance to reality. Every grievance, expectation, reaction is ulimately a resistance against reality. And forgiveness is not resisting reality.
But these programs take me so much further. It offers me the complete freedom of my mind. The first promise of the 12 step is: We will know a new freedom and a new happiness. When I first read it - my sponsor made me read the promises everyday - I could not believe it. Then one day after reading them for a while, I realized that all of the promises had become true for me. But I had no idea how it had happened. This happens through the grace of God.
One day at a time.