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Fear of Healing

martinag — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 21:59:51 +0000

You are sick for a purpose. But it’s not the purpose you think. It’s not that God has put upon you this spell of sickness that you can learn a valuable lesson. I mean, who is God if he has to hurt his son to learn, that just does not make sense at all. But you are sick because you want to be. You are getting something out of your sickness and that is why it has a very specific purpose for you.
That’s why taking medicine does not really heal your sickness, because your sickness is just a symptom, it’s not the source of the problem. And as you might have experienced before, when you remove a weed without it’s roots it will sooner or later grow back. So the sickness will come back again and again until the underlying problem has been solved and healed. So you are afraid of healing because you have set up this whole defense system not to be wholly joyous and open to communicate the pure love of God. Your sickness lets you stay small and lets you operate in the manner familiar to you. Yes, when you really question it and really look at the cause of the sickness, it does not make sense to keep it at all. That’s why you do everything not to find out what the cause of the sickness is. You don’t want to be healed, you don’t want to change. You don’t want your mind to be turned upside down and disappear into the heart of God, because you are so attached to what you think reality is. This reality that you judge as being true is beginning to crumble all around you. There is really no foundation for you to stand on anymore. And still the resistance to change is too big to actually let go of your identity. It’s always the same old story.
We have one problem – that is that we think we are separate from God – and one solution – that God who is all powerful just can’t be separate from you. And we are trying everything not to remember that premise. I don’t know what it will take for you to step out without knowing and let yourself be healed from all the ancient hurts you carry around. But I do know that reading this article is the beginning of what is going to be the best journey of your life. The journey home to your Father.

Get in the game

martinag — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 20:59:51 +0000

Just get in the game. Just do it. What are you waiting for? The incredible thing is once you just moved one little step toward God, the doors open and the flood is ready to wipe all your concepts away and release you from all the past and let you enter in this moment with a totally new mind. It happens to me that I stumble around, pissed, full with grievances but still expecting joy in my life. And then through a miracle a trigger gets released and I do something different in my mind. Joy requires a different action.
The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That is the human condition. Haven´t we learned anything? Haven´t I learned anything? Apparently not.
Chasing the same rainbows that can never be reached. This whole life is a compensation, me compensating for how unworthy I feel. Me trying, with everything that I am, to squeeze some sort of funniness or contribution out of me. But there is nothing. Nothing that I could share with you. And in all of this human insanity the light shines with equal strength and clarity. Through the light I realize that I don´t need to give you anything. That I am enough. That God is enough. That God loves me so much and has given me everything. The whole pressure falls off me. That is the opening, the first step that is required. The step that I can´t stand the situation anymore and that I want a change. Ask and it shall be given. Knock and the door will be opened. And I asked and everything was given and I knocked and he opened for me and the light shines the darkness away. And what is left is pure light extending forever.

The Presence of God

martinag — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:38:53 +0000

Inspired by Brother Lorenz who was a Master in the devotion to God and doing everything for God, I got immersed with the idea to practice the presence of God. There is just nothing like having my attention on my true source, to the only thing that will ever make me happy. The really incredible thing for me is that I have learned when I am done praying. I have a very German mind and always try to devote an exact time to prayer and devotion, but then I realized one day after just a few minutes of praying that it was done. Wow, what a revelation, praying and being with God has absolutely nothing to do with time. It’s just a state of mind that I remember and then I am happy and free to go and do whatever I am doing. That is so freeing. So incredible freeing, that I have no words. Just the freedom that the one thing has nothing to do with the other. God is in my mind and yes I do have to remember him, but time has nothing to do with it. It’s a mind training. And then I have no choice anymore but be in the presence of God because it has become part of me and a habit of my mind.

And then everything I do I do for God. I read a book once, of a little ballerina, that hurt both of her legs in an accident and consequently could not dance anymore. But through her love for God she started walking and was soon again able to dance again, and in her mind the only thing that kept being true is: I am dancing alone for you God. I love that that my true devotion to something allows the biggest miracles to happen. The power is in my mind. And in my application of it.

God into your presence will I enter now and dissapear for eternity. See you on the other side.