The Presence of God
Inspired by Brother Lorenz who was a Master in the devotion to God and doing everything for God, I got immersed with the idea to practice the presence of God. There is just nothing like having my attention on my true source, to the only thing that will ever make me happy. The really incredible thing for me is that I have learned when I am done praying. I have a very German mind and always try to devote an exact time to prayer and devotion, but then I realized one day after just a few minutes of praying that it was done. Wow, what a revelation, praying and being with God has absolutely nothing to do with time. It’s just a state of mind that I remember and then I am happy and free to go and do whatever I am doing. That is so freeing. So incredible freeing, that I have no words. Just the freedom that the one thing has nothing to do with the other. God is in my mind and yes I do have to remember him, but time has nothing to do with it. It’s a mind training. And then I have no choice anymore but be in the presence of God because it has become part of me and a habit of my mind.
And then everything I do I do for God. I read a book once, of a little ballerina, that hurt both of her legs in an accident and consequently could not dance anymore. But through her love for God she started walking and was soon again able to dance again, and in her mind the only thing that kept being true is: I am dancing alone for you God. I love that that my true devotion to something allows the biggest miracles to happen. The power is in my mind. And in my application of it.
God into your presence will I enter now and dissapear for eternity. See you on the other side.
Beyond the scientific discovery that there is no world.
I am actually already sick of all those scientists telling us in various new age movies, that this world really doesn’t exist. Telling us that we can change our minds. That we are making up the world that we are seeing. They have been saying this for years now, and nothing realy happened. Yes, there was a shift of consioucness, that made this world explainable to everyone. But what’s missing is the experinece behind it. I have to include myself in the calculation that there is no world. The simple fact that I know that there is no world, puts me in a place of absolute responsibility.
The first thing that I want to change is my human habits, get more productive, more organized and so forth. While I am occupying myself with my new found exiting solution I miss the whole point all over again. No, there is no world. There is no little life that needs rearranging or better organization. What life?
Beyond all concepts there is truth. There is the truth that we have been always looking for. Do I have this special key to this incredible truth? Yes, and you do to. This is the moment where you no longer deny yourself everything. That is the whole universe – it’s at your disposal. It’s waiting for you to stop organizing your littleness and start creating. Happiness, fulfillment and joy will come out of this new venture of joining and communicating in a whole new way with your fellow human being. Yes, my mind is pretty wacky and seemingly all over the place. But I am sick of making sense, because nothing makes sense here anyway. And no one will read this anyway, this is for me for my reminder to be co-creator and take my appointed spot in this universe. And also to extend this invitation out to you. Come and join me in this new creating. I am so glad, we are doing this together.
The prisoners
Two inmates broke out of the prison and when they were running away they come across a monastery. They wanted to hide in there and found two nuns working in the garden. They could not resist and started to rape the nuns. The one nun screamed out to God: “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” The other nuns says:”Mine does.”
Activation of my mind.
Whenever I think of writing a blogpost I have incredible ideas, and by the time I get to the computer and sit in front of the screen all the ideas are gone. I don’t like that fact, because I end up not writing blogpost for a long time, although I think about it a lot. But that is not the same of course. That is the same with the Course, I can think of it all I want, and the ideas are beautiful and everything, but until I take the action to practice the course and be a miracle worker myself, absolutely nothing will happen. There is nothing more active than not doing anything. If I want something to happen in my life I have to give it energy. What give energy to expands. Yes, I give my life and will over to God and I will get all of God’s help, but it is up to me to activate that in my mind and to actively foster that. My awakening does not happen without me, although it happens despite of me.
Whatever you want to happen to you or in your life – DO IT! Wow what a concept, what a simplicity, but still it seams so hard sometimes. It’s easier to blame God for the thing that don’t happen and for the unhappiness that I experience. God is not responsible for my experience here, I am. This is the only way out of here for me.
The end of guilt
Guilt starts and ends with me. Lately I have discovered so much hidden guilt in me, that I think I have never allowed to surface. So I have read the most dominant parts in the Course that talk about guilt. Guilt is always the idea of separation and special relationships. I want to hide something from you, because I don’t take the responsibility for my actions. It always comes down to my responsibility. It’s the action of defending myself from you, because I think you expect something from me, or I am not good enough. I have actually already judged you and so I have to behave through this judgment now, in order not to let myself down. What a screwed up mind twist that is. I am always just hurting myself.
And now I invite you to make the last “sacrifice”: the “sacrifice” of fear
I gladly make the ‘sacrifice’ of fear.
“Here is the only ‘sacrifice’ You ask of Your beloved Son; You ask him to give up all suffering, all sense of loss and sadness, all anxiety and doubt, and freely let Your Love come streaming in to his awareness, healing him of pain, and giving him Your own eternal joy. Such is the ‘sacrifice’ You ask of me, and one I gladly make; the only ‘cost’ of restoration of Your memory to me, for the salvation of the world.”
And as we pay the debt we owe to truth – a debt which merely is the letting-go of self-deceptions and of images we worshipped falsely – truth returns to us in wholeness and in joy. We are deceived no longer. Love has now returned to our awareness. And we are at peace again, for fear has gone and only Love remains.
- A Course in Miracles, Lesson 323
It’s never about the substance
What I am always reminded of in this process of recovery is that it is never about the substance that I seem to be addicted to. It’s about fear or avoidance of a situations that I face in my life.
The funny thing is that I have this realization about every few month. Then I ran out of the house of my sponsor completely happy, skipping a long to my house, smiling, and saying to myself: “It’s not about the food I eat. It’s not about the food.” It’s about honesty. About sharing my fears, loneliness, pain and guilt that I think that I am in. I get cought up in my mind and blame it on substances or people out there, just so I don’t have to take responsibility, and so I don’t have to face this black hole of fear by myself. But when I face it and express it, it is gone in an instant. That is the trippy thing. So I am actually always just addicted to seperation. The moment I join with someone, my fear goes away and I don’t have to sedate myself anymore. I am writing this for myself, so that the times when I forget that it is not about you or a substance get shorter and shorter. And finally disapear in an instant of communication with God.
Why I love the Course in Miracles so much
A Course in Miracles is truly a master piece that goes way beyond anything that I can change with my human understanding. That’s why it doesn’t tell me to drink 8 cups of water a day. Or what the best sleeping cycle is, or what to do, or to only say good things. It’s is far beyond that, and that is what irritated me for a long time. I was looking for that perfect way to live. The perfect process to get happy. Some secret that I felt was missing in my live, but already existed in every one else’ live.
The Course in Miracles also goes beyond consciousness. It changes me where the only change is possible, at the roots of the roots at the point what I am one with God. Where there is actually no change possible, so that’s why there is also no process to get there. It’s just my recognition right now, that I am whole and perfect as God created me. I am free to be myself. I am already worthy of everyone’s love and God’s gifts.
So you are invited to let yourself be healed in stopping to search for something that you can never find.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
The revolution of self-forgiveness
It starts with me. It’s all about being in peace with myself again. It is a revolution to do what we have sworn never to do – to forgive ourselves. That’s why it seems so hard. But in the moment where it happens it is the most natural thing. It first happens in my mind, because I can’t stand the pain of holding on to anything that is not perfect love anymore. So with the necessity to be in peace and have freedom of mind, I look at the grievance that I am holding and start to pray. Most of the time the last thing is forgive. Most of the time condemnation is closer than release and forgiveness. This is where the lessons of A Course in Miracles come in, and also the true desire to be with God. Once this miracle has occurred in my mind, it’s being reflected in my whole world. And then I realize that no one has ever hold a grievance against me. That they forgave me the moment I have upset them. That I was the one refusing to let go and be at peace.
Nothing actually ever happened. Nothing is going on here. Wake up. This is absolutely not your reality. There is just so much more waiting for you. And it starts with you! With this moment where you forgive yourself completely. Welcome to your new mind. Welcome to the revolution of YOU!
Forgiveness and giving up poverty
Wow, what a day, when I take responsibility for my life instead of waiting for God to fulfill me everything is happening. I have the tendency to blame everything on God and hope that he will take care of decisions I have to make or uncomfortable situations that I want to avoid. When I realized that I am actually avoiding responsibility in thinking that God will take care ofit, it was a huge revelation. A, I was blind and now I see, type of revelation. One of those really huge one. Where I feel that I literally shook of millenniums of wrong believes about God. The thing about being wrong is that I am convinced that I am right until it gets painful. Pain is a really great motivator. Who really wants to be wrong and forgive? It’s really uncomfortable to be wrong. But it is actually the only growth I can experience. Otherwise I am stuck in the same old “me” thinking… forever and ever. It’s time to be wrong and let everyone know that I have been wrong. What the heck, I got nothing to loose.
Hey, I have been wrong about you. “Jesus, please reveal him to me how he really is.”
Thank you!
