It’s never about the substance

martinag — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:22:49 +0000

What I am always reminded of in this process of recovery is that it is never about the substance that I seem to be addicted to. It’s about fear or avoidance of a situations that I face in my life.
The funny thing is that I have this realization about every few month. Then I ran out of the house of my sponsor completely happy, skipping a long to my house, smiling, and saying to myself: “It’s not about the food I eat. It’s not about the food.” It’s about honesty. About sharing my fears, loneliness, pain and guilt that I think that I am in. I get cought up in my mind and blame it on substances or people out there, just so I don’t have to take responsibility, and so I don’t have to face this black hole of fear by myself. But when I face it and express it, it is gone in an instant. That is the trippy thing. So I am actually always just addicted to seperation. The moment I join with someone, my fear goes away and I don’t have to sedate myself anymore. I am writing this for myself, so that the times when I forget that it is not about you or a substance get shorter and shorter. And finally disapear in an instant of communication with God.

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It’s never about the substance