Fear of Healing
You are sick for a purpose. But it’s not the purpose you think. It’s not that God has put upon you this spell of sickness that you can learn a valuable lesson. I mean, who is God if he has to hurt his son to learn, that just does not make sense at all. But you are sick because you want to be. You are getting something out of your sickness and that is why it has a very specific purpose for you.
That’s why taking medicine does not really heal your sickness, because your sickness is just a symptom, it’s not the source of the problem. And as you might have experienced before, when you remove a weed without it’s roots it will sooner or later grow back. So the sickness will come back again and again until the underlying problem has been solved and healed. So you are afraid of healing because you have set up this whole defense system not to be wholly joyous and open to communicate the pure love of God. Your sickness lets you stay small and lets you operate in the manner familiar to you. Yes, when you really question it and really look at the cause of the sickness, it does not make sense to keep it at all. That’s why you do everything not to find out what the cause of the sickness is. You don’t want to be healed, you don’t want to change. You don’t want your mind to be turned upside down and disappear into the heart of God, because you are so attached to what you think reality is. This reality that you judge as being true is beginning to crumble all around you. There is really no foundation for you to stand on anymore. And still the resistance to change is too big to actually let go of your identity. It’s always the same old story.
We have one problem – that is that we think we are separate from God – and one solution – that God who is all powerful just can’t be separate from you. And we are trying everything not to remember that premise. I don’t know what it will take for you to step out without knowing and let yourself be healed from all the ancient hurts you carry around. But I do know that reading this article is the beginning of what is going to be the best journey of your life. The journey home to your Father.
Get in the game
Just get in the game. Just do it. What are you waiting for? The incredible thing is once you just moved one little step toward God, the doors open and the flood is ready to wipe all your concepts away and release you from all the past and let you enter in this moment with a totally new mind. It happens to me that I stumble around, pissed, full with grievances but still expecting joy in my life. And then through a miracle a trigger gets released and I do something different in my mind. Joy requires a different action.
The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That is the human condition. Haven´t we learned anything? Haven´t I learned anything? Apparently not.
Chasing the same rainbows that can never be reached. This whole life is a compensation, me compensating for how unworthy I feel. Me trying, with everything that I am, to squeeze some sort of funniness or contribution out of me. But there is nothing. Nothing that I could share with you. And in all of this human insanity the light shines with equal strength and clarity. Through the light I realize that I don´t need to give you anything. That I am enough. That God is enough. That God loves me so much and has given me everything. The whole pressure falls off me. That is the opening, the first step that is required. The step that I can´t stand the situation anymore and that I want a change. Ask and it shall be given. Knock and the door will be opened. And I asked and everything was given and I knocked and he opened for me and the light shines the darkness away. And what is left is pure light extending forever.
Taking time for yourself!
There is a times to totally go for it and be active and other times for rest and stillness. Today is a day of that for me. A day in light with God looking at everything from above, from the big picture. We get lost sometimes in the details of the everyday situations. And even Michael Gerber writes in his book: “Awakening the Entrepreneur within”, that without stopping and looking at the goals and the overview, you will get lost in the technical part, in this case it is in a company, you will forget about the big picture and goals and therefor your company is most likely to fail.
I found that to be totally true in my awakening as well. I need to step back and expand my mind outwards and for a moment let everything be exactly as it is and at the same time let it change through the light. I need that moment of remembering where I am going and who I really am. Even if it looks like that time is not productive in a worldly sense, it brings me so much peace and certainty and is very powerful. That moment of rest. Everyone writes about meditation and stillness and all those spiritual practices and although I don’t call it like that I do what I need to do for my mind to keep clear and empty. This is an invitation for you to take a moment for yourself. And the great thing is it doesn’t take that long. Although it can be rewarding when you spend longer in that space with God. It´s the action of you, checking in with God. Talking to your father and really listening to him. For me this time of Christmas and New Year is a time of reflection and really looking from the higher plane. Although it is good to do that more regularly and keep your mind and channel to God really clear, this time is just a time where I look deeper. Probably also of my situation, where I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. Where I follow God´s guidance in every way. But sometimes I doubt that guidance, thinking, that I should be doing something else. This time of contemplation gives me again the certainty that God´s will for me is perfect happiness and with that as my highest priority I will start this year with a leap into heaven.
The Presence of God
Inspired by Brother Lorenz who was a Master in the devotion to God and doing everything for God, I got immersed with the idea to practice the presence of God. There is just nothing like having my attention on my true source, to the only thing that will ever make me happy. The really incredible thing for me is that I have learned when I am done praying. I have a very German mind and always try to devote an exact time to prayer and devotion, but then I realized one day after just a few minutes of praying that it was done. Wow, what a revelation, praying and being with God has absolutely nothing to do with time. It’s just a state of mind that I remember and then I am happy and free to go and do whatever I am doing. That is so freeing. So incredible freeing, that I have no words. Just the freedom that the one thing has nothing to do with the other. God is in my mind and yes I do have to remember him, but time has nothing to do with it. It’s a mind training. And then I have no choice anymore but be in the presence of God because it has become part of me and a habit of my mind.
And then everything I do I do for God. I read a book once, of a little ballerina, that hurt both of her legs in an accident and consequently could not dance anymore. But through her love for God she started walking and was soon again able to dance again, and in her mind the only thing that kept being true is: I am dancing alone for you God. I love that that my true devotion to something allows the biggest miracles to happen. The power is in my mind. And in my application of it.
God into your presence will I enter now and dissapear for eternity. See you on the other side.
Activation of my mind.
Whenever I think of writing a blogpost I have incredible ideas, and by the time I get to the computer and sit in front of the screen all the ideas are gone. I don’t like that fact, because I end up not writing blogpost for a long time, although I think about it a lot. But that is not the same of course. That is the same with the Course, I can think of it all I want, and the ideas are beautiful and everything, but until I take the action to practice the course and be a miracle worker myself, absolutely nothing will happen. There is nothing more active than not doing anything. If I want something to happen in my life I have to give it energy. What give energy to expands. Yes, I give my life and will over to God and I will get all of God’s help, but it is up to me to activate that in my mind and to actively foster that. My awakening does not happen without me, although it happens despite of me.
Whatever you want to happen to you or in your life – DO IT! Wow what a concept, what a simplicity, but still it seams so hard sometimes. It’s easier to blame God for the thing that don’t happen and for the unhappiness that I experience. God is not responsible for my experience here, I am. This is the only way out of here for me.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
The revolution of self-forgiveness
It starts with me. It’s all about being in peace with myself again. It is a revolution to do what we have sworn never to do – to forgive ourselves. That’s why it seems so hard. But in the moment where it happens it is the most natural thing. It first happens in my mind, because I can’t stand the pain of holding on to anything that is not perfect love anymore. So with the necessity to be in peace and have freedom of mind, I look at the grievance that I am holding and start to pray. Most of the time the last thing is forgive. Most of the time condemnation is closer than release and forgiveness. This is where the lessons of A Course in Miracles come in, and also the true desire to be with God. Once this miracle has occurred in my mind, it’s being reflected in my whole world. And then I realize that no one has ever hold a grievance against me. That they forgave me the moment I have upset them. That I was the one refusing to let go and be at peace.
Nothing actually ever happened. Nothing is going on here. Wake up. This is absolutely not your reality. There is just so much more waiting for you. And it starts with you! With this moment where you forgive yourself completely. Welcome to your new mind. Welcome to the revolution of YOU!
Impossibility of blogging
It’s impossible to keep up a blog for a whole mind, because what I wrote yesterday is already so obsolete, it’s gone and over and my new mind does not have a link of memory to the past. Did that really happen to me? It doesn’t sound right anymore today. So to keeping up this blog is a moment to moment endeavor. Forgiving myself moment to moment from where I thought I was, to coming into the present. So I just hope that wherever you are in your mind right now that whatever I am expressing at the moment will make sense to you and help you increase the frequency of your mind. My fear as an awakened mind is always to be off, not to be on the mark, but how can I be off if I am a whole mind. There are so many questions that I don’t even want answers for, because they disappear in a moment of release. And that is all the course is offering me in every instant to release my mind from everything that I think, everything that is going on. And be completely brand new. Without letting go of myself I can’t even be real for a moment, because I am just always past and there for actually dead, not existent. That state becomes really painful when I am aware of it. Thank God for my brothers and the Course in Miracles that always gets me out of it in an instant and reminds me of the truth of who I really am.
I mean look at the first lesson of the Course: “Nothing I see means anything. “ And then the 5th one: “You are never upset for the reason you think.” And Lesson Nr. 35: “I am not the victim of the world I see.” These are amongst my favorite ones. They just show me in an instant that I am completely wrong, that what I think is going on is not so. There is actually nothing else to say except the invitation for a great experiment to let that be so for you. Let the lessons speak for themselves and let them work you. The outcome is a freedom that you can’t imagine right now, because you are in it, way to deep. You need to get out all the way, to see how beautiful you really are. With that being said, this is a miracle and takes the grace of God for it to be fulfilled.
And now for something completely different!
That is the energy for me at the moment – completely different, completely new. I have been replaced in my entirety. The next moment is uncertain and the only strength is the trust in my goal – which is GOD – which is the only certain thing in my mind. So that I can cope with all that uncertainty I used to establish standards in which to judge every situation. And when a situation was not in my frame of reference I would set up new standards that met that particular situation.
This morning I chucked them all out. I was the one who established them in the first place, and I was limiting myself by them. Oh my God, what a relief.
“Let all things be exactly as they are.”
“Let me not be Your critic, Lord, today, and judge against You. Let me not attempt to interfere with Your creation, and distort it into sickly forms. Let me be willing to withdraw my wishes from its unity, and thus to let it be as You created it. For thus will I be able, too, to recognize my Self as You created me. In Love was I created, and in Love will I remain forever. What can frighten me when I let all things be exactly as they are?”Let not our sight be blasphemous today, nor let our ears attend to lying tongues. Only reality is free of pain. Only reality is free of loss. Only reality is wholly safe. And it is only this we seek today.
(Lesson 268 from A Course In Miracles)
And the other Lesson that comes to mind is:
“Today I will judge nothing that occurs.”
I will be honest with myself today. I will not think that I already know what must remain beyond my present grasp. I will not think I understand the whole from bits of my perception, which are all that I can see. Today I recognize that this is so. And so I am relieved of judgement which I cannot make. Thus do I free myself and what I look upon, to be in peace as God created us.“Father, today I leave creation free to be itself. I honor all the parts, in which I am included. We are one because each part contains Your memory, and truth must shine in all of us as one.”
Lesson 243 from A Course In Miracles
Deepak Chopra mentions this lesson in his book “The seven spiritual laws of success.” I just started to read it, and I was amazed that in the first exercise he suggests the reader to do this lesson everyday. To start the day without judging and to remind myself through out the day not to judge.
That is what happened to me when I chucked the foundation of all judgments my standards out of my mind. Neither bad nor good is desirable, both are judgments and limit myself and my Self expression. No – “Today I will judge nothing that occurs.” And “I let all things be exactly as they are.”
Finally I let my mind go, he already knows where he needs to go and where he is at home. I will not trap my mind in idol dreams that I have made, and that I thought will bring solution to my mind. Today I am free of all of my plans and I am free to be who I truly am. Finally, thank you!
Action!
Nothing gets done if I don’t start. It’s very easy to get caught up in planning, analyzing, organizing. Don’t waste your time preparing for something that is already over. Do you find yourself reading all those spiritual books that tell you how to prepare yourself for God, or that give you a process to get to God? There is no process to your awakening, there is no way to God. It is a journey without distance, in an instant of reality. How long are you planning on practicing to be in the here and now? How long are you waiting for some enlightened guy outside of you to save you? I hope by now you saw the insanity of the human mind. That is doing everything not to be where they are and not to be who they are. To be or not to be is not a question anymore. You already are. That is unavoidable. Blaming someone else for it wont help you out anymore. It’s really time that I cut to the chase here and take responsibility for me, my mind, my life. It is amazing how much easier life gets. That is nothing else but growing up. Have you every blamed someone outside of yourself for any situation? YES?
That means you haven’t taken full responsibility for your life.
Are you willing to take full responsibility of your life?
Do it now… Action! Without that nothing will ever happen, nothing will ever change… you’ll be the same old stinking you, and it’s entirely your fault…
