I will step back and let him lead the way!
On my own I am capable of nothing. Everything I did and tried to do in this world failed. There was always this longing for God in me. It did not make sense to me that I was in pain, thinking the most horrible things about myself and at the same time there was a God who loved me completely. Something was wrong with this picture. And somewhere I realized that it was me. The common denominator to all my problems. Since my best thinking had brought me to this devastation I knew my best thinking can´t get me out of it. I knew I needed help from something outside of me. Somebody that had already realized their Christ mind. It is amazing that in the moment that I am ready the answer is there for me as well. It showed up for me in the form of the Course in Miracles, answering my call for help, from outside this little box of space and time. I realized how much I had limited myself through the believes I held about myself. Everything that I believed about myself was a limit on the Son of God that I truly am. Now, when I step back and let him lead the way, I am certain that whatever occurs is for the best of everyone and everything. I know that I am not trapped through this body, I know that I can travel out into this universe, that has been waiting for me all along, whenever I want to. The decision and willingness is mine, the rest is God´s in which my complete trust lies.
I am not the victim of the world I see.
How can I be the victim of a world that can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave it simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner I would give up insane wishes, and walk into the sunlight at last. (Review Lesson of A Course In Miracles Lesson 31)
I love it! i love it! I love it! No matter in which situation I find myself I refuse to be the victim of it. This has been my complete salvation. Every day situation appear that make me believe that I have been unfairly treated. And it only depends on me, how I handle them. Who do I choose to be? The holy son of God?
This is not a comfortable teaching, it has nothing to do with comfort or how everything is love and peace, this is where the rubber meets the road. It all depends on a decision in my mind. And I can see how the imagery around me changes in the same moment when I take the decision.
The other day I had to wait for my car in Walmart wandering around through the aisle, I saw a lot of things that created a need for having them in me. I started to feel horrible, since I just perceived lack and the idea that I can’t have them because I can’t afford them. I already found myself getting fearful when I took the decision not to be the victim of this situation. The next thing that happened was that I ran into a brother, I asked for help and another brother showed up as well. So there we where creating a portal of light in the middle of Walmart, standing in the dedication of our singular purpose not to follow the laws of the world any longer but to leave space and time right there and then. Right here and now actually. All fear and lack are gone and what is left is love and peace that does not come from a result of anything, but just from the decision to let my mind be how it truly is. Which is giving and extending itself all the time. How then can I perceive lack, when I am giving myself away? Lack appeared when I started to demand from the universe rather than giving myself away.
There is always something you can give no matter who you think you are, or where you think you are. You can give right now, what are you waiting for?
For You!
You are way to beautiful to rot in this body
You are way to genius to keep yourself so small
You are way to valuable to keep yourself separate from God
You are way to meaningful to sustain barriers between you and your brother
You are way to divine to hide yourself
You are way to lovable to keep holding on to fear
You are way to trustworthy to keep yourself separate from everyone
You are way to holy to content yourself with the love from this world
You are way to awake to keep playing this role of past identity
You are way to certain to hold on to grievances
You are way to advanced not to go all the way
You are as God created you!
I love you!
It’s time to come home!
WHY?
Why am I only nice to you when I heard that you are having a bad time? Why do I only care when I get something out of it? There are no answers just actions. Actions that get me far beyond my plain lazy being Mrs. spoiled brat. Being the victim of my dream. It really depends on me and my honest extension of myself no matter what the situation may be. The only answer there is is love. And I pretend I don’t care, pretend that you are not even there. So I can stay in my save zone. God, I am dying, but I am save in my little box. Why? Just to keep my Ego- Identity in place. So don’t rock my boat, it’s so comfortable, I am in pain but it is so comfortable. Do you remember that thinking?…That is over now…
Now is the time to forgive and get out of here. So I forgive you, and I am truly sorry for not caring, for not being a true friend. For choosing comfort over action. For being so self involved that I literally didn’t see you. That I just wanted you to recognize me, but did not care to give anything myself.
I am sorry. And now I am going out without knowing. Are you coming?
Trust on a cloudy day
It’s one of these days, where I prayed for peace the moment I woke up and all that has been happening to me is the opposite. Does God have a good sense of humor, or do I have no clue what’s going on? The good thing that I experienced today was, that I let myself be exactly the way I was, I felt bad and that’s just how it was. I think I have never gotten so many hugs. When I think back now I start to smile, out of nowhere people come just hugging me today. That’s so incredible. All those other days when I think I have it together, I am actually defending myself from love. I don’t have it together and I never will. But I will go out without knowing. With the trust that I am taken care of.
Commtiment
The only thing that will every make you happy is a full commitment to something. Happiness is what commitment is. I am committed to my happiness. It’s like what I want I get. It’s the idea of cause and effect. What a human being forgets it, that God is it’s cause and not the world. The body makes us believe that this world created us and therefore are we it’s effect and the world is our cause. So we have responsibilities to the world. We owe the world. We get caught up in that game. God is our cause and we are his effect. We did not create ourselves. The commitment to God is the commitment to the believe in your true cause. Gods will for us is perfect Happiness. So my commitment to God is my commitment to my happiness.
Awake or Asleep?
I can never tell if I am awake or if I fell asleep again. In the bible it said that Adam feel asleep but nowhere does it say that he woke up. Yes, this is a dream we agreed to that already and had a clear experience of the none reality of this place. This is the beginning of my awakening. But in that journey of my awakening I can never really tell where I am. Where am I in the process of waking up. And all of a sudden I get really happy. I have been trying to wake up for far to long. Have been trying so hard, doing everything that I think is required of me. When in truth I don’t even know what I need to do. All I know is that I don’t have to try so hard . It’s let go and let GOD right? I seem to forget that.
And that is what falling asleep is, just forgetting that I am not in charge. Forgetting that I do have a choice and are able to leave space and time in an instant of letting go. That I am not bound by any laws of man. That I am free, the Holy Son of God himself.
Taking out the trash
Today is cleaning day, like everyday, I am taking the trash out! – The trash of my mind. Like dust it accumulates so fast, and I don’t really know where it comes from and suddenly a trigger is pulled and I get pissed and I don’t even know why. That is why it is so important for me to do the mind training of A Course In Miracles every waking hour. What does that have to do with trash? Because through applying the ideas given me from the course I have to let go of every single thought that I hold about myself, and about everything else. To be free and in peace. Flash the toilet of your mind and let go of all that has been bothering you, forgiveness is another word for letting go all those silly ideas that keep me trapped and make my life miserable. Yeah it is just time to wake up and realize that all of my ideas are completely wrong, that they don’t mean anything and that I am still as God created me. That I can make my life so much easier by letting go and letting God. So flush that toilet, dust those corners of your mind and take the trash out, it’s about time for you to be free.
Let every voice but God’s be still in me.
I love how in this lesson Jesus tells me very specifically don’t listen to your thoughts. Quietly step back and choose again. This gives me the immediate experience of of something completely different. It transports me to a different place in my mind, a place where I am happy. It is really that simple. I decide where I hang out in my mind. I love that idea, it makes all that spiritual seeking and stuff so easy and practical. It is easy but I still gotta do it. It requires everything of me. Think about it, I am wrong in every moment. It takes the action of my mind to let go of this whole world entirely in every instant. But it is just like everything else, it’s hard at the beginning and then it becomes a habit. But I tell you what it just feels soooo good. Just to be free and be with God.
Gratitude
It took me a long time just to be grateful. And now I am so grateful for every little thing, it is amazing to me that through the simple change of my mind my whole world changes in front of my eyes. Literally the world disappears when I give myself to this present moment, and then I can only be grateful. I learn so much every moment just in listening to God and the Universe and following those instructions. I really need to listen. Need to listen for that voice in my mind that tells me that I am already whole and perfect as God created me.
My love for God is just so strong. I guess that’s why I am at Endeavor Academy because all we do here is celebrating our love for God and sharing that with each other. I am so happy to have found a place in my mind where I can just be with God all the time! Thank you Father.
